Monday, March 22, 2010

My special sewing place

Woke up this morning in a miserable state.  This is what I looked like (sort of). A night full of nightmares does not leave one rested. This dream is so clear, there's no need to interpret it.

In my sleep, my youngest daughter's teacher thought she was too close and dependent on her family and that she needed to expand her circle, so she had the state take temporary custody of her.(I know, it's not feasible, but it was just a dream). She left on a Friday. In my dream, I tried to tell myself that she was having fun over the weekend and I would see her soon, but my nervousness turned to fear. By Monday I was frantic to see her. I went to the elementary school. I roamed the halls hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I asked someone if I could see her. I called my husband and told him that this was doing more harm than good. He agreed and we planned on getting an attorney. It was such a weird frenzy of fear, and feeling cheated. I had such anticipation of seeing her and holding her in my arms. If only it were that easy. I awoke to reality and realized I wouldn't get to see her at all.  She's been gone for 8 months.  It's not getting any easier.

It is painful enough to not have her with me, these dreams in the night are torturous.

Even though my nerves were shaken, I had to get to work.  I managed to stay preoccupied with busy-ness.  Now that I'm home and I've fed the kids, I'm off to my sewing room.  It's her  bedroom, and I love being there.

Red was her favorite color, though her room was actually quite yellow.  I'm working on a quilt to cover her bed with and it has the red and a bit of yellow.  I'm hopeful it will turn out, it is my first piecework snowball quilt, but I have a lot of sewing experience.  These are the red fabrics I'm using:  Amy Butler Cherry Red Lotus Flower and Full Moon Polka Dot.  I've got two others, too that I'll share when I get  some pictures of what I'm working on.  Aren't they cool?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Warm Hands

There was a steady production of fingerless gloves here in the past few months.  I'm mostly using Cascade Fixation because the yarn is very elastic and washable.  The wool ones were all accidentally felted.  The cotton ones were so baggie.  They are very simple.  Even without the fingers they keep the hands very warm and leave the fingers ready for drawing, texting and even violin playing. This was a great short attention span project.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Creative Therapy

This is a picture of me and my youngest daughter the day after she was born.  For me, this is the most special of days--the day that I looked into each of their faces and promised that I would love and care for them and do whatever it took to fill their lives with happiness and love.  Someone recommended something like this in a book that I read before having children and I decided it would be my ritual.  And as children grow older and explore, there can be days that try the nerves, but I always remember back to that first day, and that first promise and all of the love that filled my heart with that vow.

I lost my daughter last summer to a very aggressive childhood cancer at the age of 7. She knew nothing of death. For the two years she lived after her diagnosis at the age of 5 1/2, I worked to protect her from knowing that cancer kills.  She had a very short, but happy life.

I have been crying ever since. It is extremely difficult to continue on, but in some small way, creative outlets have been helpful to me.  From planning a garden to knitting mittens to sewing, this busy work keeps me going.  Maybe it's the little goals that get me from one step to the other--Anyway, this blog is supposed to be about my crafts.  I shut-down for some time, but I'm going to try getting back into some creative activity, in hopes that it will be therapeutic.